After a Few Months

so I haven't been keeping up with this blog as much as I had originally hoped.  I think this is probably for a number of reasons; mainly as the adrenaline and medication from operations and actually being in hospital was forcing me to empty out brain information by writing it here, so I could concentrate on other things!  That probably doesn't make much sense.  Also, there have been a few times in the last few months where it hasn't seemed like the accident happened to me, or even happened at all, so there was no need to write anything about it anywhere.  Don't get me wrong, I'm incredibly grateful for my rescuers, hospital staff, friends, family etc and I'm not 'in denial' about anything, it just seems like I should be experiencing a lot more pain than I actually am...although I keep reading 'every amputation is different' etc, so no-one really knows what to expect.

Over the last few months I've come off all my medication, have been going back to Addenbrookes hospital twice a week for rehab and been sorting other stuff out like wheelchairs and adaptions for cars.

Starting with the medication; when I left hospital I was taking 300mg of gabapentin three times a day, followed by three diclofenac and a renitatine tablet.   I also used a dressing pack to change my left leg dressing daily.  After a few weeks the district nurse decided that I no longer needed to dress my leg as it was healing well, so I just continued to wash it as normal without covering it at all.  After a few weeks of being on the gabapentin (used for nerve pain), I realised I was forgetting a lot of information such as names of my friends, important dates etc, so I decided to lower the dosages.  A week later I was off all the meds, pain was a little 'noticeable', but in my view it was better than feeling spaced out and becoming forgetful!

Rehab has been great - I now have both prosthetic legs and progressing well. 

I now have the pleasure of working on an awesome project with Will and Kevin - this has been the highlight of my career so far and I look forward to the challenges ahead.

First few weeks at home

OK Im now writing this blog from scratch, previously I was writing events in notepad and trying to upload when I had spare time, internet connection, battery, wasn't completely shattered, was in the right mood, etc etc, and 'the right time' never came up.  I also found the style of writing a bit too stylized.  Those that know me know that I'm not one to talk/write about myself a lot, both about feelings and generally, so that may have had an influence on the number of posts - however the number of people that have mentioned the blog and have been asking when the next post would be have made me continue writing it (if I can find out how to make one then there may even be an FAQ section at the end as suggested by a few people!).

Quick summary since last post - I've moved out of hospital and am now living back home with my mum.  I was planning to move out to my own flat in February, but then this happened and plans got put on hold.  I have rehab every Wednesday and Friday at Addenbrookes, currently get picked up at 09:00, get there for 10:00, in the Amputee Gym near Outpatients for two hours, then home for 13:00.  Having loads of visitors on other days of the week, local friends, work friends/colleagues, etc.  I'm currently living downstairs, sleeping in the front room and washing in the downstairs toilet or kitchen.  As mentioned earlier there is loads to fill up my spare time, filling in forms for benefits, replying to messages and emails, resting (not sleeping, just taking things easier after gym work).  Generally everything takes a third, or more, longer that it did before - basically I can only do one thing at once - for instance making a meal or drink takes longer as I can only carry one or two things at once and have to make several trips to the tap/table/kitchen cabinets etc.

People have said it may take a few weeks to settle back in to home life and I wasn't exactly sure what they meant.  After a few weeks I now know exactly what they mean.  'Settle in' doesn't mean 'get used to it being harder' or similar - I just know that during the last week I've literally felt more 'settled' (must think of a different word)...silly things like seeing the same view from the windows, going to the same fridge for a drink, sitting in familiar chairs etc have all become more 'normal' than they were in the first two or three weeks of being home.

Separate paragraph needed for this bit for emphasis.  My friends and family have been great.  Firstly my immediate family, mum (and Terry) for putting up with me during my more 'frustrating' times (I feel they are getting fewer!), cooking, cleaning (clothes, not me), shopping etc.  My brother, sisters, brothers in law, sister in law, and brother's wife's brother (brother in law?) for emails, support and hard work - pictures to follow.  My mates from back home for driving me everywhere and therefore enabling me to continue living the life I did before, get out of the house etc.  Work friends/colleagues for visiting, driving copious amounts of miles, getting lost and phoning for directions - thanks for the support on Thursday when I came to visit, and messages from those I missed.  Last but not least the three people that saved my life, who I've luckily been able to meet again on various occasions.  Thanks for letting me get tot know to you and sharing your thoughts and experiences, its definitely helped a lot.

That will do for this post, I need more photos in the blog so will probably do a separate post as a timeline of photos...suggestions welcome.

J2 and Amputee Gym

Hello again, its been a while since I last uploaded a post - I have a few days written down but have recently moved rooms and internet signal is hard to come by!

Had to make sure I was washed and 'dressed' (t-shirt and pants at least) for a 10am pickup to got to the gym.  The tv/internet monitor next to the left of my bed automatically turns on at 7am and starts playing adverts, so that was a good wake up call.  About 8am I heard the night shift nurses doing a hand-over to the day staff; basically a run down of each patient, what meds they are on, how they slept that night and any concerns they may have for them.  My door doesn't completely shut due to a misaligned latch, so I can pretty much hear how everyone is doing - not revealing anything here!

I had a pretty good night, I'm now able to turn very easily; basically have to shift myself to the opposite side of the bed while on my back like a snake, shoulders first, then backside etc.  I then, for want of a better word, flop in the other direction and rest my top leg on a pillow in front of the other.  If I don't get the angle quite right I sometimes get cramp in the bottom leg and have to reposition.  Currently I still can't rest both legs on top of one another, mainly because the left leg has a larger bandage on and it simply feels weird compressing it.

At 10.15 a porter came to my room to take me to the gym.  I moved over from the bed to the wheelchair without the banana board and started wheeling down the corridors followed by the porter.  I think he wasn't quite sure what to say or do as I asked him not to push the chair, so i tried making conversation about how long he'd worked in the hospital.  10 minutes later we arrived at the gym, I must be getting quicker in the chair.  The usual gym bench was free, so I wheeled over to it and used the pillow under my right leg to bridge the gap between the chair and the bench.  Moving across is an art in itself - to get out you have to position the chair as close to the bed as possible, making sure the bed is slightly lower than the edge of the chair, then the side of the chair nearest the bed is removed.  Once ready to move, you have to put the chair brakes on, shuffle across as much as possible, then lift yourself over the rubber wheel of the chair as its a few inches higher than the seat.  Currently I still have a rubber blow up cushion so I can't use it to push on, the only things available are the bed itself or the arm rest on the opposite side of the chair.

Today's exercise started off with me lying on my front then lifting each leg up backwards fifty times while having a large ankle weight attached, then turning over and doing the same while on my back.  Next, while on my side, I had to move each leg back and forwards as much as possible, concentrating on pulling them back as much as possible - probably to ensure the muscles were stretched.  I had to squeeze a rubber ball between my thighs while on my front and lift my legs back, then used what resembled wooden irons to try pushing up off the bed while sitting on the edge.  Finally I sat on a blowup rubber disk, about 5 inches deep and practiced moving from side to side in a 'controlled manner' - i.e. not falling flat on one side.

Currently the gym is one of the highlights of the day, mainly because I get a chance to move out of the ward (still J2), but also because I get to see other people in different stages of recovery.  Today there were two people I'd already met, they are a few years older than myself and have great personalities.  There were also two people I hadn't met before but everyone got on well and I'm sure I'll meet them again.

After the gym I basically slept, had lunch and chatted to my roommate.

Later in the day a friend came to visit, couldn't get in the chair though as I'd already had the hour out of bed.

Last Surgery and Move to J2

Bit of an exciting day today.  The morning started off pretty usual, washed, new hospital gown etc, then waited to be collected for the final surgery to shorten my left leg to above the knee and finish tidying up the right.

Had various visits from hospital staff, psychiatrists asking how I was feeling, physiotherapists running me though some simple upper body exercises using pink weights (1.5kg?!) and elastic straps and surgeons checking wounds before the op.

Surprisingly I felt really happy, so much so that I had to confirm with the nurses that none of the medication I was on was giving me a high.  They confirmed that none should be making me 'feel' good, so I can only put it down to relief of being alive.

Later that morning, the ward nurse received a phone call and I was wheeled off to an operating theater.  This one was smaller and didn't have the side room for anesthetic, so I was wheeled straight in to the theater its self.  I remember seeing two large adjustable ceiling lamps above my bed, like bigger versions of those in a dentist surgery.  Once again I was hooked up to the anesthetic, started talking to the surgeon and eventually passed out.

After what seemed like no time at all, I woke up in what I initially thought was A3, but turned out to be a small op recovery room for people that had literally just woken up or were in the process of waking up.  There were curtains to my left and right, and doctors checking notes in front of me.  Eventually it was my turn to be seen, the doctor checked my notes, looked at my wounds and then indicated for me to be moved back to the ward.

I can't recall if I went back to A3 first, but that evening I ended up in Ward J2.  J2 is a lot more 'relaxing', nice paint on the walls, individual rooms for some patients and generally a lot more like the kind of hospital ward I was used to seeing.  It turns out J2 has only been open for a few months, so everything was pretty new, however, as with anything new some things didn't quite work.  That night, as I was sleeping my bedside fan decided to disintegrate and turn into what sounded like a broken washing machine! that kept me on my toes.

On J2, the staff to patient ratio is a bit lower, so each bed has a control pad to call nurses, turn lights on and off etc.  also figured out how to raise and lower the bed with another control pad.

Here is a photo from my first bed in J2, I had my own room at the end of the corridor in J2 (bed 5) for a few nights then moved into a double room.  Looking a bit sleepy here and in need of a shave!

 

This is the view from the window, cant get out of bed yet due to tube drains and other wires attached to me.  Sometimes I hear a helicopter flying over so guess it's somewhere near the helipad...

On the 19th Jan I had the pleasure of meeting Mark Budden, the first person who jumped down on the track and directed John and Pamela during the rescue.  Most emotional day so far, in a good way.  He was able to answer most of the questions I had and described how it all went down.

On the same day I also had my first proper meal (thanks Sammy)!

A few days later the physios got me moving about.  First mission was to get to the side of the bed, first attempt failed as my balance had completely gone due to me not having much weight below my waist.  Second attempt was a success.  Next I had to get out of bed, this involved rolling onto a sling sheet, then connecting the sheet to a hoist and lifting the sheet (with me in it) off the bed and lowering into a chair.

A2

Again, not entirely sure what happened in the morning.  Generally wake up about 08:00, wash my face and upper body in a bowl of water as I can't get to a sink, then clean my teeth in a sick bowl of water - just the right size to hold while brushing.

In the afternoon I had visits from my mum, sister, brother and sister in law.  It was really good to see some familiar faces.  I still hadn't worked out that there was a free wifi connection so I couldn't Facebook people (mobile reception was pretty poor).  My sister in law was previously married to a man who lost one of his legs, so she was able to reassure me with stories of how well he coped.

Today was also my brother in law and sister in law's birthday.  One of my nieces (brothers child) fell over at school and was also in hospital with a gash to her forehead!  Thanks to my mum and brother for doing loads of leg work - no pun intended! - like phoning lawyers, researching benefits etc.

I also had my catheter removed today.  NOT a pleasant experience, definitely the worst I've had so far!  It was put in during the 2nd operation, but I was fully conscious when it came out.  I'm not going into too much detail here, but I did yelp as it came out.

A2

It turns out that not a lot happens in hospitals at weekends, you are left to your own devices which can be good in a way as it means no operations for a few days! One of the patients opposite had a police officer shadowing him for what ever reason, don't like to judge people as everyone has different reasons for doing what they do.  The patient to my right seems to be getting better quickly and had his wife visit him.  Think the guy directly opposite has been discharged already as there is someone new in his bed!

More visits today - my good friends Mark, Claire, Max, Lou, Steve and Dave came up.  Was due to go snowboarding in France with most of them, but think I'll have to postpone that for a while! Figured that babies are not really allowed in hospital wards in case they catch infections or leave baby drool all over the place ;-) so Max had to stay outside.

To be honest I don't remember much from A3, just the major events like visits and the odd nurse visit.  Don't think a lot else happened today, so probably just slept it off.

This is a photo of me with some of the nurses that looked after me - taken sometime in March.

Surgery and Move from A3 to A2

Today I had op 2 of 3.  This one was to look at the legs to see what extra work, if any, needed to be done and do any prep work for the final op.

I don't recall the time of day, but remember being wheeled in by bed from ward A2, to the Prep Room adjacent to the operating theater.  I remember the nurse from the day before being on my left side, and two anesthetists to my right preparing the anesthetic.  One of the anesthetists started asking me a list questions and, although I cannot remember any of them, I remember thinking 'this is where I fall asleep on half way though question four'.  The questions ended, I asked if they had any more as I wasn't asleep yet, then I must have actually gone under as I don't remember anything apart from waking up in my bed back in A2 a few hours later.

When I woke up, the first thing I remember seeing was the nurse that was with me earlier.  I then remember feeling the staples in my legs, not a painful feeling, just a sensation of something around the middle of my thigh - the middle as in across the middle horizontally, not vertically - felt a bit weird, but not painful as such.

Next I remember the phantom sensation everyone talks about with amputees.  There is definitely a difference between phantom 'feeling' and phantom 'pain'.  The best way to describe it is as though all the hairs are standing up on your legs, then someone is gently pushing just in front of the balls of your feet and blowing across your toes - not that unpleasant to be honest.

I remember a few wires to my side - a button to deliver morphine set on a 3 minute delay, i.e. once I'd pressed it I had to wait before I could press it again.  Next there were two 'drains' in the bottom of my legs.  Basically these are tubes, about a centimeter wide, inserted into my legs.  The tubes are then linked to small rectangular bags either side of me; gradually the bags fill up with liquid and every few hours they get measured and emptied.  The final two wires were inserted in each leg under the dressings and routed back to two bags of medication (not sure of the name) behind my bed.  Finally there was a catheter inserted in my bladder as I couldn't get out of bed to use the loo, the bowl 'movements' hadn't started yet luckily.

After a few minutes a surgeon appeared to let me know the op went well.  He said I'd also need another op on Monday as my left leg was on the kneecap and had to be shortened to just above the knee, and my right leg had to be tidied up a bit more due to bone injuries.

Later that night I was moved from Ward A3 to A2.  A2 is a smaller room with four beds, each one occupied by a patient with neurological or trauma injuries.  I remember one of the guys opposite had a stab wound (trauma injury) and the others had fallen after passing out and had difficulty with their memory (neurological injury).  I can't remember what I had to eat that night and currently can't find the menu to jog my memory (the menu changes every two weeks so you get an idea what you'll be having to eat for the foreseeable future!).